So today has been crazy. I knew it would be, but holy wow did I underestimate the crazy train that would derail at my station today.
I drove to work today and this is where my anxiety started and perhaps my first mistake. On the way to work, I noticed a ticking noise coming from my tyres and its Monday morning so I’m already unhappy with the world. I had nowhere to pull over and of course, I’m already panicking that I’ll park at work and come out to find my tyre flat and no way out of the carpark. So eventually after what felt like an eternity, I found somewhere to pull over and you know what the ticking was?I’ll enlighten you. It was a rock. A teeny, tiny insignificant bit of compressed dirt had lodged its way into the tread on my tyre and the noise I was hearing was every time it hit the bitumen, which is often because I was driving in an 80km an hour zone.
I suitably rolled my eyes and got back in the car. So now, I’m stuck behind Captain Slow Pants and my patience has flown out the window. I get around him and I seem to mellow out. So, all is well.
I make it to work, get put in the corner of the car park like the naughty kid I am and proceed upstairs with the giant plastic container of stuff for care packages that I had brought in. Now to get through my almighty list. I start on my reporting and well it’s not going well, none of the information is easily found, and I’m also posting to social media at the same time. It would turn out multitasking was not my thing today. I get through the report and I’m about to start on an article I was supposed to write a couple of days ago, and I realise I have left out components of the report, so back I go and include the extras.
By now everyone is starting to filter into the office and so that naturally means they have issues they need sorting out and everything that everyone else has is 1000x more important than whatever I have going on. They also really hate it when I push back and tell them I’m busy, so naturally its my favourite thing to do.
Come 9am its time for our weekly team meeting and two minutes beforehand, someone is having a fit about the website I updated on Friday. Instead of coming and outright asking me, they have their own conversation whilst I’m within earshot. Now to put this into perspective, whilst they were talking about how it went awry, I had fixed it and let them know it was fixed and that it was my mistake. They were still talking about it as I moved to the meeting I was now late for.
Something you should know, I hate being late to anything and I start to get a bout of anxiety when my plans or routine are changed at a moment’s notice. I have been tested, and yes I do have tendencies that put me at the high functioning end of the Autism/Aspergers spectrum. So armed with this knowledge you can just imagine how many laps my brain is already doing.
Then we have the meeting. Well my boss turns around and has to take an important call and leaves the meeting in our hands, which I would have happily walked out and continued on with my work, but no, the people who like talking decided to sit there and chat about all the work they are shoving on my plate. So by this stage, I am irritated, behind schedule, and rapidly becoming more frustrated as one person complains about having to wait a week for a task from IT, when her task has only been elevated because of me and it now sits ahead of my tasks, which I’m still dirty about.
So I push back and tell them their shitty reports won’t be done today and stop short of asking if they completed their own reports, which falls under their job description, if it would be completed within the time they’ve spent hassling me about it.
I ended up having to walk away, mainly because I need my job, but also because I was super busy as it was. I decided that having been in the office since 0645, I deserved a break and off I went. I came back to discover that Adobe had debited my account almost $400 for a service I haven’t used, with no notification, no invoice and no receipt. Cue melt down. Not only am I on the phone trying to get through to them, I have their Live Chat open and I’m watching the clock as I have an 1130 training session. I was bounced between two reps and then one closed the chat despite me telling them to not close it and to simply call me.
More stupid questions came from the group training session, and by this stage, my meltdown is in full swing. I snapped at the Finance woman for complaining about some filing system and she looked a little shocked. Back to Adobe we went, and I was bounced between three more people this time and told that a senior department would take three days to look at my query. In the meantime, I’ve called my bank and there’s nothing they could do but reissue my card. There are a few massive triggers for me, one of them I’d not having a way out, another is not knowing where my phone is and the other is not having access to my money.
I hung up from my bank and burst into tears and just left for lunch which I was overdue for, because I’m the first in the office but I go to lunch last. The rest of the afternoon just seemed to follow the same code and I had given up by this stage.
After my super long meeting, I hadn’t even sat down at my desk again before one of my team wanted me to look at something. By this stage, I had been in the office for 10 hours, and I clapped back, if it takes more than 5 minutes the answer is no. Of course, with this particular team member, she likes to patronise me and after the day I had, that was not advisable. She still did it, and I don’t think I could have been frostier.
Once I heard the words “well I’ll send this off”, I was half way out the door. I was done. I got into my car and drove out of the carpark and realised I was driving home in peak traffic. Fuck. Well I turned Disturbed up and sat there at the set of lights with my resting bitch face on tight and was like I do not care if y’all can hear this or if its too loud, I need this to stop me from running you over. I started to feel better, slightly. At this stage, I’m not sure if its because I’m leaving or because I have music.
Traffic was horrible but I’ve sat in worse. I did get home to my favourite smiling faces (Matt and the dogs) and I even got a hug. He’s gone out to his parents so I have some time to catch up on the stuff I feel rude for doing when hes with me, because it feels like I’m ignoring him and that’s not fair.
Then I put my foot in it. I sat there to watch an interview with Pauline Hanson with mums partner. Now for context, Pauline is a Far Right politician in Australia who has:
- Come out in support of Donald Trump;
- Loves Vladamir Putin;
- Thinks all muslims should stay in their own countries; and
- Vaccinating your kids shouldn’t be mandatory.
In short there is a lot wrong with this woman, and her support base is filled with the Baby Boomer generation. Pretty much the same people who elected Trump. Mum and her partner fit into Senator Hanson’s target demographic perfectly.
Well, she said something about Muslims taking over and he agreed, I couldn’t help myself, I fed the troll. I politely asked him to remember that not everyone in the house shared his views, and that for the sake of peace mum and I had previously agreed that these particular subjects were off limits. This happened after our last fight about it. Well apparently this is where I went wrong. He’s part of the generation that grew up when women stayed at home and obeyed their husbands. That is not me and it grated on him that I fundamentally disagreed with everything he had to say. I had to walk away, mainly because he was eating his dinner and I just didn’t have capacity to have that conversation.
So I went and sat on my bed to finish off the work I wanted to get done today and put my headphones in. I started playing my current playlist, and was uninspired. Then Dolly Parton popped into my head, as I had been muttering it all day, so I chucked on my 80’s playlist. BOOM! I had inspiration and I instantly felt calm. I’ve said this to so many people, so many times, if I didn’t have music, I would simply be unbearable. Even I wouldn’t put up with myself.
So I am now the firmest of believers, that my day went to shit today because I didn’t have my headphones in this morning, like I normally would. Meaning I couldn’t just zone out and get ready for the day. So from now on, I’m making it a mandatory at least 5 minutes of headphones in before I walk in the office, so that hopefully, we don’t have a repeat of today.